Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
