it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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