Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Im part way to drunk.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
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