Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Randomize
