I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
