True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
