I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
Randomize
