Non-Jews are for practice
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Randomize