Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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