half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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