At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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