So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
BRING THE BAGELS
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
