In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
