Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
