Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
