Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Randomize
