Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
