I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Randomize
