Dual....:-)
I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
This couple is walking their pig around campus
A bitchslap is in order.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
