It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
