She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
