So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
