my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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