Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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