standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
