I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
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