You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
