she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Randomize
