Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
Randomize