I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Randomize