Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
