she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
