Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
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