It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
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