they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
