Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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