your parents love me but you hate me
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
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