I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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