My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
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