i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
