Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
Randomize