puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
