I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Randomize
