Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize