This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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