he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Randomize
