oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
It was like giving head to a cactus.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Randomize
