Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Randomize
