It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Blood and glitter go together right?
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Can't talk, ducks in the car
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
