hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
