help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Randomize
