there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
