idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
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