this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Oh god it's open bar.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
