Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
