before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
