You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
