why didn't you poke me back
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
