i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Randomize
