Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize