So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
