let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
My ass is underappreciated
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
