Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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