mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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