Just cropdusted the office
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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