I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Randomize
