I don't usually arrange sex via text message
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
