i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Randomize
