you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
