Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
